William Shakespeare wrote this line in King Henry IV to describe a constantly worried and sleepless king.

Actually, kings are not the only ones constantly agonising over stuff. Don’t we find ourselves often vexing over things we have no control of too? Will I get the H1N1 virus? Will the wild child that is North Korea defiantly launch a nuclear assault? Will Mas Selamat escape again? These nagging fears tend to rear their ugly heads from time to time and can never quit.

But, who cares about all these worldly stuff, really? I’m more concerned with: Will Angelina Jolie ever stop adopting or popping? (Will a once-rakish Brad Pitt therefore be subjected to eternal domestication?) Will there be no more AWARE-esque bloodbaths to savour after its eventful demise? Will my boss notice that I had dug my nose (and stuck my snot onto his seat)? It’s so dreadful, it’s driving me mad. (The part about not knowing where the snot finally landed.)

So you see, our harried minds can be bogged down by a thousand and one things. The Rockies may crumble, Gibraltar may tumble but ultimately, we’re only concerned with matters close to our heart: did it or did it (s)not?

All right, I’d better stop before you attempt to do the same to me. (Don’t you know you can send virtual ones via the likes of Facebook?) Seriously, all the headaches beneath those crowns could be a result of having to deal with employees like me.

Now, you may think that I’m a meanie, but I’ll have you know that there are baddies out there who are capable of giving kings migraines that last for days. Since I last wrote about hellish bosses to avoid, I reckon that it’s only fair that I now also give my two cents’ worth about the types of staff to shun away from.

It’s a thankless job; but someone’s got to do it, like it or (s)not:


The Incompetent One

Question: What’s worse than hiring a staff that turns out to be incompetent? Answer: He doesn’t know and think that he’s incompetent. And so he goes about his daily stuff leisurely – only to produce garbage-in, garbage-out results despite repeated corrections. But things could be worse – to have an incompetent staff who knows he’s incapable but doesn’t care or try to improve! The crowned one should definitely behead this bloke.

And if you think the problem can be easily solved by engaging someone more competent, then you’re wrong. A person can be capable, yet irrelevant to the type of work that’s required of him. Still, having a misfit is not half as bad as having a competent chap who knows that he can deliver but doesn’t want to commit for fear of being overloaded or out of sheer laziness.


Mr Unmotivated or “Just Enough”

Then there are those who meet the mark and just want to clock in and out of their day jobs to fulfil the bare minimal. Metaphorically speaking, his superior should just take a pound of the employee’s flesh - no more, no less. And should a drop of blood (in this case, sweat) be spilled in the course of work, the subject will be so overworked that a medical certificate will most certainly ensue the next day.


The Tai Chi Master

Note: Grasping this Chinese martial art form is no easy feat and takes years of training to perfect. Upon mastering the strokes, an employee can seamlessly move the elements and deftly shift the winds to redirect assigned tasks or push blames to other people.

And don’t expect him to work in a team or as a team. Mr Smooth will no sooner work his voodoo to make the team work – without him – instead.

That’s not all! When it comes to the credit crunch (pardon the pan), the sorcerer can also reverse the course to direct praises to his lair. So, employers beware! Even the most seasoned of bosses may not see through the devil’s well-crafted wizardry.


The Hungry Ghost

You don’t have to wait for the lunar seventh month to see apparitions. Apparently, you can see them every day at work too – provided you actually see them in the first place.

First day at work? No problem. Get a Best Hideout guide from these guys. They would have compiled a list of the best places to loaf, at what time and an assortment of activities to engage in at the workplace. It’s so good, it can give Lonely Planet a run for its money.

If they are actually at their workstation, they need to first check their emails, file their taxes, pay their bills and ask what third aunt’s nephew-in-law’s new car plate number is (for them to buy 4D) – all these at the expense of the company - before actually starting to type the minutes of a month-old meeting. But they can only go up to point 1.2, as it’s soon time for lunch.

And just when you decide to clamp down on them, they will cleverly play victim to stress how much has been done (read: they have proof-read the minutes 47 times), how over-tasked they are (read: so much so that they can’t readily recall what other jobs they have on hand), how late they’ve stayed back (read: to finish downloading the latest Harry Potter instalment), how they have actually done extra things behind your back (read: you wouldn’t want to know)…you get the drift.


The Untamed Horse

Defiant, headh5 and complacent – these employees may be difficult, but at least they play their cards as it is. When it comes to dealing with them, you either have to go with the flow (ie, mother them with TLC) or come down hard on them. Whatever it is, a clash is usually unavoidable, so set aside your crown and get your headgears ready for pandemonium!


The Poker Face

In one minute, Dr Jekyll can be an a**-kisser; in another, Mr Hyde can spin stories to badmouth you. Fluid as jelly, this snake is one to beware of. Who knows? He may well be the same person who sticks his snot on your chair AND volunteer to help you sieve out the “culprit” for public execution.

(Disclaimer: No, I do (s)not know this person.)