Talk about airing one's dirty linen - we were once again reminded of how Edison Chen aired a little more than just his dirty linen when the exhibitionist was in town for a promotional tour.
His still jetting around and being continuously mobbed by female fans who wish instead they were the ones caught without their linens seem to have incur the wrath of a feisty Cecilia Cheung and jittery Gillian Chung, two of Edison's victims-in-crime who were photographed with their pants down, literally. And the duo spared no efforts in lashing out at his (their) misdeeds - chastising the dude amid teary sniffs and fiery rebuffs - once again.
Seriously, when will all these finger-pointing ever end? It's all "you rub my back and I'll rub yours plus more" when everything's fine and dandy, but where's the love when the milk turns sour? You tell me.
Well, the moral of the story is: one must be flexible. If your milk turns sour, feed the family cat with it. Okay, perhaps that's a bad idea and waste of resource. I should be suggesting that you save it for your cantankerous neighbour instead. That would teach him a thing a two about disposing expired yogurt into your potted plants! (There, I knew Aristotle was right when he said you should do unto others as you would have them do to you; but I digress...)
It's no fun playing Mr Nice Guy all the time. Sometimes, you've got to let loose and unleash the Mr Vice Guy in you so as to teach those scheming tattletales a lesson or two. Want to eject the dagger from your rear and undo all that backstabbing? Take a good look at some of these (irreverent) tactics:
Colleague A spreads a malicious gossip about you. You first check the definition of malicious. Upon uncovering its meaning (ill-intended, spiteful and deliberately harmful), you cry foul and yell blue murder ala the style of a certain Hong Kong lady who went hysterically berserk when she missed her flight. The objective is to get as much attention as possible (even better if someone makes a video of your ordeal and posts it online). When you garner as many hits as Edison's scandalous shots, you'd soon have a substantial number of supporters rooting for you.
Colleague B blabs about your coming in late/falling asleep at your desk with eyes wide shut/doing your own stuff while at work/farting all the time. While my big-heartedness will see me dismissing the lesser issue(s), I will not tolerate any atrocious accusation of me farting all the time! Why, it's not like I need to but didn't pay the ERP before ventilating; plus I really don't break wind all the time - I alternate with burps too. If you find yourself in the same situation as I, I'd suggest you store up your pent-up frustrations and release them all at one shot - when you're alone in a lift with your beloved co-worker. Alternatively, do that when Colleague A's also in the elevator; he's useful for pinching your nose and glaring at disgustingly should Colleague B stare daggers at you!
Colleague C refuses to take ownership of an oversight, but pushes the blame on you instead. If you're feeling ridiculously kind, get him some optical vouchers to fix his myopia problem. If you're feeling begrudgingly nasty (and rightfully so!), give him a quick push too - when he's about to cross a busy road. (Again, you can decide to do this when Colleague B is around.)
Colleague D first tells you one thing but incredulously spins another story in front of your boss, leaving you seemingly in denial. You could pray for lightning to strike and render him bald, as it did the iconic Merlion. Or join the game and concoct an equally far-fetched tale, this time involving Colleagues A-C. Remember to pull an indignant-Cecilia or wretched-Gillian for dramatic effect.
Colleague E tries to claim credit for something you did. Be cool about it - as he won't reap the fruits of your labour for long. Being the proprietor of your idea means that you know exactly what works and what doesn't. Find an appropriate opportunity and express 'concerns' to your boss about the huge (and irreconcilable) repercussions in store. At the same time, remember that you're treading on thin ice as this could work both ways, so be careful! The key is to appear as subtly nonchalant yet disquietingly concerned as possible. Not only will your supervisor thank you for the foresight and initiative, Colleague E will also be eternally grateful for the break - from his job - you've bestowed upon him.
And if all else fails, pluck the dagger out of your back and shaft it right back up your nemesis', er, rear. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.
There you go! Take your time to digest these brilliant tips and devour the savoury taste of sweet vengeance. I'm sure you'd find much pleasure in executing them (er, the pointers).
Disclaimer: Suggestions were written for leisure reading only. The scribe/ST701 will not be responsible for damages incurred (on anyone's rear or otherwise) whatsoever. Anyhow, if you were given the boot as a result of actualising said points, then click here to search for a new job.